A Lapsed WWE Fan Watches WrestleMania Night 1

I’ve had a bit of a love/hate relationship with professional wrestling. Watched it but never saw the allure as a young child. Got into it during the Monday Night Wars/Attitude Era (roughly 1997–2001) and tailed off as life got more busy after that. Got back into it roughly 2014 and have been watching off and on ever since. And honestly a lot more off than on, especially in the WWE sense since the pandemic and the rise of WWE competitior AEW.

On a week to week basis, AEW has just been better than WWE. Yes, WWE fans will argue and complain. And honestly, WWE’s highs are probably better than AEW’s. But neither product is good enough to keep my interest every week. I fall off entirely once my beloved college football starts, only seen again around Royal Rumble time.

Except one problem. This year, the Rumble was garbage. Worst ever. And trust me. I know. What was universally condiered the worst Rumble ever before 2022? 1999. In Anaheim. I was there. Nobody remembers that Rumble (Vince McMahon won). The only thing anyone remembers from that Rumble is The Rock attempting to commit murder with unprotected chair shots to Mick Foley’s head. Which wasn’t in the Rumble. It was in the title match.

But I digress. A terrible Rumble started the Road to Wrestlemania. Then the Elimination Chamber’s location got changed to Saudi Arabia. So a Blood Money PPV (ok Premium Live Event). Meanwhile AEW has been putting on bangers every week on Wednesday nights and Friday nights. So I checked out.

But it’s Wrestlemania. And when you are around the wrestling internet, even for the other company, Wrestlemania still looms. So I decided to check it out. Thus you have this: me reviewing Wrestlemania. As a lapsed fan. The only WWE shows I’ve watched since last year’s Wrestlemania are Money in the Bank (wanted to see how things would be in the first show with fans back in the arena) and the Royal Rumble (which I hated with a passion). So we’ll go. In order…

The Usos defeat Shinsuke Nakamura and Rick Boogs to retain the Smackdown Tag Championships

Grade: Incomplete

Honestly, this match was headed to being just fine. Maybe a little better. Then Rick Boogs blew out his quad. He’s going to be out for awhile. Sad times. Especially since Vince McMahon found his midcard wet dream in Boogs: A guitar playing Freddie Mercury style rock star. Pairing him with the previously listless Nakamura is one of the few things that WWE has done right in the eyes of internet wrestling world in the last year.

Drew McIntyre defeats Happy Corbin

Grade: B

It’s time to talk about Baron Corbin/Happy Corbin. The dude is incredible at his job. Remember that his job is to make you hate him. And hate him you do. Everyone hates Corbin. Everyone hated Corbin when he was the Lone Wolf. Everyone hated Corbin when he looked like a waiter from T.G.I. Friday’s. Everyone hated Corbin when he was the world’s worst boss. Everyone hated Corbin when he was King Corbin. Everyone hated Corbin when he ran out of money and became Bum Ass Corbin (evidently at least since though I had very little exposure to this short-lived Corbin). And finally everyon hates Happy Corbin. The man does an increible job of getting you to hate him. And making you want to see his opponents punch him in the face.

On the other side, Drew McIntyre. The man looks like the type of monster Vince McMahon would have loved back in the Hogan era. Big, strong, tall, imposing. Looks like he can break you in two at any time. In other words, the dude you book to go after the title and fail at the hands of (insert top face who runs the place Hogan/SuperCena archetype here). Except that isn’t his personality or his aura. This is a man who basically got fired in his first run with the company for being a shitty air guitar player. But he’s got that charisma of lovable ass kicker. It took WWE awhile to figure out that maybe letting the Scottish dude wear a kilt and kick people’s heads off was better than him being a lackey.

So of course, McIntyre won. Evidently he’s headed to a Main Event feud with the winner of tomorrow night’s double championship Main Event. He had to win. Kicking out of the End of Days, the first person to ever kick out of Corbin’s finisher? Probably unneccessary but maybe welcome to the legions of Corbin haters (seriously, the man is bullet proof…he loses more matches than anyone and still keeps his same upper midcard positioning).

The Miz and Logan Paul defeat the Mysterios

Grade: A-

Full disclosure: I actually like The Miz. And I can’t stand Dominic Mysterio. The Miz is like Corbin, but better in every way despite being booked like a loser pretty often. Dominic Mysterio? Has no personality. He doesn’t fit in WWE. With a little more seasoning? He might be great in Impact or AEW. But he doesn’t have his father’s charisma or larger than life persona despite being technically proficient. There’s nothing wrong with that. Except that is basically what got NXT turned into a multi-colored festival of developmental pain.

All that said, this was a well wrestled match. What took it to the next level…and I can’t believe I’m saying this…was Logan Paul. Normally you bring a celebrity in and he’s cheered because he’s the celebrity. Look at Bad Bunny last year and at the Royal Rumble. He was great. Logan Paul though? When my roommate got home, he was like Logan Paul was good? Does this mean I have to cheer him? If so I’m not watching. He’s a dick. Except Logan Paul knows what people think of him. And Logan Paul is in on the joke. Using Eddie Guerrero’s Three Amigos slam 2 minutes after Rey Mysterio had failed on the third one. That shimmy while on the top rope. Wearing the world’s rarest Pokemon card to the ring. All of that is a dude who knows what he’s there for: to get booed out of the stadium. And he was. And it made the match.

Bonus props to The Miz for turning on Paul and celebrating with his old buddy from The Challenge Mark Long. And maybe turning face in the process (LOL). Though knowing the Miz he’ll be back to heeling it up by the end of the show on Monday Night Raw.

Bianca Belair defeats Becky Lynch for the Raw Women’s Championship

Grade: A+

The match was sublime. The story? Well told via the video package for those of us who hadn’t watched the whole way since Summerslam. The entrances? Fire, especially Belair’s HBCU band back entrance.

As for the match? Incredible. Probably better than Belair’s Main Event match against Sasha Banks last Wrestlemania. And that was the best match of either night last year. Becky brought everything she had. Bianca hit moves I’d never seen before. Or at least never seen in WWE. I don’t recall a lot of second rope 450s. Nor women doing 450s at all (yes I know Japan and the indies, but not in WWE). I’m also glad they didn’t go back to the hair as a weapon in match like last year (evidently it was part of the build).

If it seems like I don’t have a lot to say about this match. It’s because I don’t. You just need to go watch it. It’s pretty simple. It’s a masterclass of in ring storytelling. Facial expressions. Timing. Inventiveness. All exceptional. And all done at such a high level that few things truly stood out because nobody has the ability to stand out too often from that high a level.

Cody Rhodes defeats Seth Rollins

Grade: A

Would he really? That was the question all along. Would Cody Rhodes really go back to WWE? It turns out the answer is yes. And it was glorious. For one night. Cody got the hero’s welcome he always wanted. He got to bring his AEW music and presentation as The American Nightmare. He looked and felt like a larger than life character…something WWE wants and something it seems the core AEW audience doesn’t want (just look at Chris Jericho’s band of ‘sports entertainers’ heeling it up writ large in AEW right now).

The question with Cody has always been the work rate in the ring. He clearly can tell an in ring story. His story of betting on himself and leaving WWE to make a name for himself on the indies only to help create the WWE’s biggest competition in 20+ years is the stuff movies are made of. That he would return, even for one night, as a beloved hero is surreal. That he would put on a match some say is the Match of the Night (it is currently leading the poll on Cageside Seats as I write this though I like the Belair/Lynch a little more) is kind of absurd.

Of course him putting on the Match of the Night is pretty easy to understand when you see who he got to work with. In WWE, there are two wrestlers who AEW fans would drool all over themselves to get: A.J. Styles and Seth Rollins (remember that Ricochet and Finn Balor have low card stink on them at the very least). Rhodes getting to work with Rollins ensured an incredible match. Seriously, Rollins never has a bad match and seems able to up his game on the biggest stages.

My only quibble: Rollins kicked out of the Cross Rhodes finisher. And then a triple version was needed to put him away. Now the Cross Rhodes was relatively unprotected in AEW, but it isn’t the best sign if you need four of them to win your first match back. But still, night 1 back is a pass with flying colors. We’ll see what WWE and Rhodes do together going forward.

Charlotte Flair defeats Ronda Rousey

Grade: B-

Nobody wanted this match. At least nobody amongst the hard core fans. Casuals? Maybe Rousey. But Flair at this point has go away heat from a lot of the crowd. And Rousey would be much better cast as a heel. But her fragile psyche clearly can’t take being booed at all. So she gets to be miscast as a face (notably, she was a fine as a face during her first run as long as she never talked…maybe WWE should take a lesson there…Ronda Rousey is loved for ass kicking and nothing else).

As for the match? Charlotte brought the A game. It was a slow submission style match. Which was both good and bad. Good because it kept the pace slower for the still green and not consistently working Rousey. Bad because slow submission matches are dependent on the crowd and this crowd started wanting nothing to do with this match. WWE rightly moved it out of the Main Event position as half the crowd would have left and the other half would have stayed just to give it the Brock vs Goldberg Wrestlemania XX treatment.

But Charlotte worked magic here. By the end, the crowd was into this match. They even were rooting for Ronda (once again she does much better as a face with no opportunity to talk). And then we got the schmoz finish we all were waiting for. Come on. Nobody thought either of these two egos was willing to lose clean do you? So we got a ref bump. And a Charlotte tapout. While the ref was down. Then a Charlotte victory after the ref got up. Whether this is the end or leads to rematch doesn’t matter. Just don’t give Ronda a live mic ever again and everything will be fine.

Stone Cold Steve Austin defeats Kevin Owens in a No Holds Barred match

Grade: A

It’s been 19 years since Stone Cold Steve Austin hung the boots up. 19 years since he and The Rock finished their legendary 3 Wrestlemania feud with a midcard match for the secondary World Title while Brock Lesnar and Kurt Angle got the Main Event (mistakes were made even though that Lesnar/Angle match was incredible until Brock nearly killed himself on that Shooting Star Press attempt).

Of course Austin has been around at different times since then. He special guest referreed the aformentioned Lesnar-Goldberg match at Wrestlemania XX. He spent some time as the commish. He comes back for reunions to tun Vince a time or two like the good old days. He’s never been fully gone, but he’s never done much more than punch a dude a couple of times, hit a stunner and drink some Steveweisers.

So imagine my surprise when I read that he is having a segment with Kevin Owens at Wrestlemania in the Main event slot. Wait a minute. This is in the Main Event slot? He was involved in a segment at the last Wrestlemania in Dallas. Stunned the New Day alongside a Superkicking Shawn Michaels and Mick Foley doing Mick Foley things. In the middle of the card.

My Main Event question was answered pretty quickly. Austin had the old knee braces on. He never wears those. Haven’t seen them in 19 years. He’s clearly going to be bumping a bit.

Then Owens, getting heat from the crowd as almost nobody else can, challenged him to No Holds Barred match. On the spot. Right then and there. Of course Austin accepts and we get the match. And it was an actual match. Of course Austin was a bit slower than 19 years ago. But he took bumps. He tooks a suplex on the concrete outside the ring for God’s sake. Where the hell did this come from. The man is 57 years old and he’s taking bumps like Sting in AEW? What?

It was amazing. Props to Kevin Owens for getting the crowd into a lather. Props to Kevin Owens for being such a safe worker that Austin would agree to this. And props to Kevin Owens for his facial expressions and selling of Austin’s offense. It was the best nostaglia pop possible. Beat that next year Rocky. Good luck.